I hid you on Facebook and I’m not sorry…

You want names?

Just in case there are any new readers, I’ll share a brief synopsis of my husband and my journey to parenthood.

We tried to conceive a biological child for 3 years. In that time, we had all the typical fertility tests, maybe a misdiagnoses or two along the way, and various rounds of drugs and treatments. We had one chemical pregnancy AKA an early miscarriage. Adoption was always the game plan, but we imagined rounding out our family with adoption. Of course, we plan and God laughs. Boy, did he laugh! So, we went the adoption route and 3ish years later we have Emma. We finally had our family after 6 years of trying.

That makes it seem super short and boring, but I’m an emotional person. Everyday was painful. We tried to make the most of our “married before kids life.” But, it hurt to see people have children so easily.

People would post on Facebook they were expecting on days that were already painful, namely holidays. Mother’s Day. Father’s Day. New Year’s. You name it. Christmas was the worst. They couldn’t win though. I’d be reminded of what I didn’t have. It wasn’t their fault. Of course, there were insensitive people along the way, but most people were just living their lives.

It wasn’t that I wasn’t excited. For them, yes! But, as the years went on more and more were getting to experience the thing I longed for. I wanted to get off Facebook, but I was tied to our adoption page. So…I started hiding people.

Pregnant? Hide. Have a baby? Hide. Gush about your adult children or grandchildren? Hide.

I didn’t unfriend you. I hid you. And I would check in occasionally.

A month or so after Emma came home, I unhid most people. I got to a point where I could. Emma healed a part of me. That’s not her job, but she definitely helped.

So, no names. It was a lot of people. I won’t apologize for taking care of me. Self care is underrated.

Jessica