How am I feeling?

Lately, I’ve been asked a lot about how I’m “feeling.” I never know if people are asking physically due to the medication or emotionally.

I suspect both. And, I answer honestly in person, and I will here, too.

Physically? I’m pretty much my normal self. The medicines I’m taking don’t affect me as much as the ones I would need for an IVF retrieval. With embryo adoption, we were able to skip all that. My progesterone shots are causing more soreness than our mock cycle, but it’s tolerable. I need to buy a heating pad since the one I’ve been using is pretty much dead. I’m hoping that putting heat on the injection site will help (as I feel it has in the past).

Emotionally? I’m a mix bag. While some call me a pessimist, I like to call myself a realist. I typically prepare for the worst and hope for the best. So, I’m hopeful, nervous, and excited. I know what disappointment looks like. I’ve had countless cycles of disappointment. And, maybe because I don’t know what the excitement of pregnancy is like I can’t “see” it as well. I desperately want this cycle to be successful. I want Emma to have a sibling. I want more children. I don’t want to disappoint the donors. I know they don’t feel that way, but being on the receiving end of such an amazing gift, I feel it’s only natural to worry about their feelings in all this. With all that said, I still feel the most content I’ve ever felt during a treatment cycle. I know what to expect and having a little one does preoccupy most of my thoughts. I’m thankful for that.

For now, we have to wait 3 days for the transfer and then, wait another 2 weeks to find out if all this effort was worth it. Fingers crossed it is.