The moment has come…

Wow! I’ve been unintentionally quiet. The medicine I’m taking makes me so tired, and motivation is hard to come by. We transferred our last donor embryo, Pumbaa, two weeks ago. Today, I will have my blood test to tell us if I’m pregnant or not. Since we are using an outside lab, we won’t find out if the results until tomorrow. I can’t be sure when we’ll share the results.

Last cycle was the first time I found out I wasn’t pregnant while having to care for a child. While mamas do what they have to, I found it difficult emotionally. So, Chris will be off Friday no matter if things go as we hope. That way, we can celebrate for a +, or I can take some time for self care, if I need.

I have a reason to hope, and I have reason to think this specific journey is over.

Last week, I felt very content and had a overwhelming sense that whatever was going to happen was happening for a reason. I’ve said that to a few people and most look at me oddly.

Even though I don’t have to explain myself, I want to. Before Emma, we had many theoretical opportunities to parent a child. None of them panned out, obviously. They were heart wrenching, and I would wonder aloud, “Will we ever be parents? Will we have a baby?” But, we are parents, now. Emma’s parents. If any of those children had been ours, Emma wouldn’t be. That gives me hope even if Pumbaa doesn’t grow into our baby.

This week I’ve been more nervous. The planner in me just needs to know either way. Will I be sad if it doesn’t work? Of course! But, knowing that I’ve been strong enough to get through the tough times in the past gives me strength that no matter what happens tomorrow I’ll be ok.

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