I’ve lost track of how many people have asked if I would test before the beta. I hadn’t planned on it, and I never did. With so many people asking, it was very tempting. If I had pregnancy test at home, I think I would have caved. The act of ordering or buying one stopped me. I’ve been wondering the last couple days if I feel pregnant. It’s so early. And the medication I’m taking to sustain a pregnancy (if I’m lucky enough to be pregnant) can mimic pregnancy symptoms. I think for the first week I generally think I am. Then, doubt starts to seep into my thoughts. A few days before my test, I convince myself I’m not and go into the beta and waiting for the doctor’s call pretty pessimistically.
Transfers are not emotional for me usually. It’s a box checked. A means to an end. Been there. Done that.
This is when my emotions start to hit. I’m so used to hearing bad news I honestly don’t know how to prepare for good news. It’s self preservation I guess.
I would love for this embryo to be the one. To tell him or her of the amazing story that lead us to being a family. But tonight, we wait. And hope. Just a little bit longer.