NIAW 2020-Day 5

Today is the last photo challenge day of National Infertility Awareness Week. The theme, Show Your Resolve, kind of threw me off for a minute. I didn’t feel like I had resolved anything related to infertility.

Our childlessness was resolved through adoption. We did become parents. To be able to adopt in a healthy way, we needed to mourn that we would never have a genetic child. And, we did. I also had to mourn that I would never carry a child. I feel like I mourned that connection with a child, but maybe didn’t fully mourn the missed experiences. I would never be able to relate to pregnancy complaints, cravings, nesting, labor, birthing, breastfeeding, etc.

My feelings are often discounted. “You didn’t miss anything.” “Pregnancy is horrible.” “You got a child the easy way.”

Nothing about our journey has been easy!

Emotionally. Physically. Financially. It’s been different. But, not “easy.”

In many ways, I’d be ok not experiencing pregnancy. To miss out on those shared experiences, but I have not resolved myself to being the mother to only one child. I want to be the mother to at least 2 children (more, if possible). That’s the pain I carry around.

As we continue to pursue embryo adoption, we hope to have a shorter wait time and less expense to achieving the family we’ve always imagined. Pregnancy is just the cherry on top to growing our family. COVID-19 will more than likely delay our dreams, but they won’t be canceling them.

NIAW 2020-Day 4

Support is such an important part of life, especially health issues. Support systems can be big or small. They can change over time.

Chris has been my consistent support since he’s my teammate in life. We were pretty private in the beginning of our journey, but social media played a huge role in my venting and ranting during those first few years. I later met and befriended many men and women locally who also struggled with infertility. While I have tons of compassionate fertile people in my life, there are many things that only my fertility challenged buds get.

Emma has become my little cheerleader whether she knows it or not. She thinks I can do anything, and that gives me a lot of strength. She also keeps my occupied 🙃, so I don’t have time to get lost in my own thoughts as often as I once did. She did make me a mother, but infertility will always be a part of my life.

NIAW 2020-Day 3

We’re rocking orange today to help raise awareness during National Infertility Awareness Week!

We are wearing orange for those who feel alone during their infertility battle and for those who have had to cancel or delay cycles during this pandemic.

NIAW 2020-Day 2

Over the years, one thing I’ve noticed about most of the fertility challenged men and woman I’ve met is that most are animal lovers, especially dogs. We are no exception!

For us, we currently have 4 pets. 2 dogs. 2 cats. We rescued Ellie (top right) during our first year of trying to conceive when it was becoming clear that becoming parents wasn’t going to be easy.

All our fur babies bring us so much comfort. From snuggles on the couch. To laughs from their crazy antics.

NIAW 2020-Day 1

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week! While I share our story throughout the year, I hope that you’ll learn something new this week, reach out to a friend experiencing infertility, or maybe even share your own story. This journey can be lonely, but it doesn’t have to be.

#NIAW #NIAW2020 #HonorYourStory #MyInfertilityStory

•7 IUIs
•2 fresh IVFs
•1 FET
•2 donor FETs
•3 donor embryos on ice waiting for us

Sometimes our journey seems like nothing but numbers and statistics. Cold and irrelevant, at times. They’re numbers that mean everything and nothing. Our past failure doesn’t necessarily determine our future success. They don’t tell you about the heartache of months and years of wondering if we’d be parents. I can’t even count how many shots, blood draws, or internal ultrasounds I’ve had over the years. Numbers don’t show you how much we love our daughter who came to us through adoption.

As hard as this journey has been, I know that I’m stronger and better for it. You may think that it is easy to say that now that we are (theoretically) on the other side, but I was saying it the midst of all the heartache. Here is an old post, but it’s still a goodie. There can still be beauty in the midst of despair.

Happy New Year!

We hope the holidays have treated everyone well! I’m sick most NYEs, and this year is no different. 😥 But, we’re looking forward to a new year and new possibilities. We appreciate our family, friends, and followers for sticking with us on this journey.

With the holidays, our research has been slowed somewhat. But, I know the answers will come at the right time.

Happy New Year and stay safe! ❤️

Big decisions…

I had a post all ready to go, but a few things have changed in the last week. The holidays are always busy, and I kept putting off posting. It was too Continue reading “Big decisions…”

The moment has come…

Wow! I’ve been unintentionally quiet. The medicine I’m taking makes me so tired, and motivation is hard to come by. We transferred our last donor embryo, Pumbaa, two weeks ago. Today, Continue reading “The moment has come…”

October 15

Not sure what it is, but I’ve been so tired this week. But, I couldn’t let the week end without Continue reading “October 15”

Who loves This is Us? Hates it?

I was really hesitate to start watching the first season, because shows tend to get so much wrong with adoption. But, I was hearing a lot of good things, so I wanted to give it a try. We ended up watching it after Emma joined our family last year, and I cried almost every episode. There were a lot of painful (but, thought-provoking) things to watch as an adoptive mother. The show is a portrayal of one family, but I connected with it even when I didn’t always agree with each character’s decisions and actions. I’m looking at you, Rebecca! I do wonder how some of those actions are viewed by people with zero first hand experience with adoption.

We’re currently binge watching the second and third seasons before the fourth season airs later this month. So excited!