NIAW 2020-Day 5

Today is the last photo challenge day of National Infertility Awareness Week. The theme, Show Your Resolve, kind of threw me off for a minute. I didn’t feel like I had resolved anything related to infertility.

Our childlessness was resolved through adoption. We did become parents. To be able to adopt in a healthy way, we needed to mourn that we would never have a genetic child. And, we did. I also had to mourn that I would never carry a child. I feel like I mourned that connection with a child, but maybe didn’t fully mourn the missed experiences. I would never be able to relate to pregnancy complaints, cravings, nesting, labor, birthing, breastfeeding, etc.

My feelings are often discounted. “You didn’t miss anything.” “Pregnancy is horrible.” “You got a child the easy way.”

Nothing about our journey has been easy!

Emotionally. Physically. Financially. It’s been different. But, not “easy.”

In many ways, I’d be ok not experiencing pregnancy. To miss out on those shared experiences, but I have not resolved myself to being the mother to only one child. I want to be the mother to at least 2 children (more, if possible). That’s the pain I carry around.

As we continue to pursue embryo adoption, we hope to have a shorter wait time and less expense to achieving the family we’ve always imagined. Pregnancy is just the cherry on top to growing our family. COVID-19 will more than likely delay our dreams, but they won’t be canceling them.

Who loves This is Us? Hates it?

I was really hesitate to start watching the first season, because shows tend to get so much wrong with adoption. But, I was hearing a lot of good things, so I wanted to give it a try. We ended up watching it after Emma joined our family last year, and I cried almost every episode. There were a lot of painful (but, thought-provoking) things to watch as an adoptive mother. The show is a portrayal of one family, but I connected with it even when I didn’t always agree with each character’s decisions and actions. I’m looking at you, Rebecca! I do wonder how some of those actions are viewed by people with zero first hand experience with adoption.

We’re currently binge watching the second and third seasons before the fourth season airs later this month. So excited!

Hopefulness…

As the days pass, my hopefulness is coming back and dominating my emotions. This is typical. At least for me. It’s more a pattern at this point. One I haven’t Continue reading “Hopefulness…”

Father’s Day…

Happy Dada’s Day to Emma’s 2 daddies: her birth father and her Dada! Birth fathers are often vilified or forgotten in discussions about adoption. Not in our home! We appreciate that Emma’s birth father helped us become parents and chose a different life for his daughter.

Emma and Dada Father's Day 2019

We’re Outdoorsy (Apparently)

As I was organizing paperwork in my office today, I stumbled across our adoptive family profile for American Adoptions. I had created at least 2 before in addition to this website and Facebook page (not to mention the video profile!). At the time it was created, I pretty much didn’t want to see or hear about a profile ever again. They’re tons of work and surprisingly, emotional. But, I’ve been trying to find this particular profile for awhile. Why? Well, that’s both simple and complicated.

Continue reading “We’re Outdoorsy (Apparently)”

Month 22

Two of our “little” cousins came over for the weekend. We love when they visit! They love playing as many games we can fit into our time together. This visit we played Racko, Batman, Life, Wahoo, Clue, and Watch Ya’ Mouth. We also played Scoop Ball and Frisbee outside. We can’t believe we played all those! It was tons of fun (even Life). Jessica usually has at least one project or activity available. This time she had the recipe for Ooze, and E was all about making it. She doesn’t mind getting her hands dirty. K joined in once he realized it came off your hands easily. We enjoy all the fun we have with family and are looking forward to the next family get together. E tends to ask a lot about the baby. She can’t wait for a baby to join our family. K, being a boy, seems less interested. Haha!   Jess loved hearing their “little” footsteps in the morning, and she imagined hearing our children’s “quietly” stomping around the house. We know no matter how many months we wait to be parents it will be worth it. Feel free to share. 

21 months

Waiting for Baby B to fill this rocking chair Jessica’s grandpa made her for her first birthday.