This is not the post I wanted to write…

And, I’ve put it off all day.

I’m not pregnant.

Three simply words. A whole heck of a lot of emotion behind them. Timon will always be in our hearts, but he/she won’t be our rainbow baby, unfortunately.

When I got the call yesterday, I managed to stay composed enough that the fertility doctor thought I must have done a home pregnancy test and likely knew I wasn’t pregnant. But, really…I knew if I started I wouldn’t stop. Once I got off, I crumbled, emotionally and physically. It’s the most emotional I’ve been during this process. The disappointment made my body physically hurt, and I had the unfortunate task of telling Chris and our donors. Heartbreaking.

The somewhat good news is that my estrogen and progesterone levels were perfect for Timon to survive. But, again, bad luck seemed to play a role.

While we will be grieving this unique loss, we have a rough plan to transfer our final embryo in the next few months. No definite dates. No timeline. And, as much as that hurts this planner’s heart, we need time to mourn.

We’ll continue to be open, because I don’t know how to do this in the shadows any longer. We appreciate everyone’s love, prayers, positive thoughts, and baby dust. It made the world of difference to us, even though things didn’t go as we had hoped. Thank you for being on this journey through the highs and lows.

Now…

the waiting really begins…

Missed you…

We took a mini vacation last weekend, and much to my surprise, we had NO coverage and spotty WiFi. So, I didn’t get to update y’all at all. 😢

A lot of my “fertility challenged sisters” have been checking on me. I really appreciate each and every one of them. Many of them know the journey we’ve chosen. And, they know better than anyone what may lie ahead.

Many have asked if I will do a home pregnancy test before the blood test on Thursday. I don’t plan to test. I knew being out of town would help with the eagerness. I have tested in the past, but it was a rabbit hole I didn’t want to try this time. So, I know as much as y’all!

Our fertility doctor’s office is out of town, so we are opting to have my bloodwork done locally. This means our results will be delayed until some time Friday. We plan to share the good/bad news with our families at some point on Friday or Saturday followed by sharing here.

Plunged into darkness…

Many fertility medications require a strict timing. This had made for some interesting predicaments in past cycles since Chris has given me most of the shots.

The progesterone shots have wiggle room but consistency is the best rule. We chose 9PM as a good time for us. Unfortunately, tonight the electric went out. So, I had my first shot illuminated by the light on my phone. And, the first night I have a new heated pad, I have no electric 🤷🏼‍♀️ All you can do is laugh!

PUPO

Us infertile girls often talk in a lot of jargon. Even our husbands can be clueless at times. There’s abbreviations and medical terms that seem so foreign to those not personally affected by infertility.

Can you translate?

This girl is PUPO! Whoop whoop! One embaby is on board hopefully burrowing into his/her home for the next 9 months. Once the 2ww is over, I’ll have a beta done to see if the FET was successful.

How’d you do?

PUPO: pregnant until proven otherwise

Embaby: embryo

2ww: 2 week wait (the wait between transfer and a beta test)

Beta: bloodwork to test for beta levels (the pregnancy hormone)

FET: Frozen Embryo Transfer (the placement of a thawed embryo into the uterus)

***Also, still confused about a part of the embryo adoption process? Or the medical part? Leave us questions you have below or PM us/the page, if you feel more comfortable. The next 2 weeks are going to be relatively uneventful, so we want to fill it by answering YOUR questions! All questions will be answered anonymously and there’s almost no question we won’t answer 👀👀👀***

Tomorrow is TRANSFER DAY!!!

Or Christmas in July for us!

Fun fact! Did you know that the pineapple is the unofficial symbol for the infertility community? Pineapples or eating the core itself is hoped to contribute to a successful transfer for many. The science isn’t 100% there, but it certainly won’t hurt.

Don’t forget to send us some virtual baby dust!

Baby dust…

I’ve noticed that the infertility community doesn’t often wish each other good luck for a successful treatment and pregnancy, and with a diverse group of people, “sending prayers” can be inappropriate. Instead, they/we often say something to the affect of “Sending you baby dust,” or “Wishing you lots of sticky baby dust.” It’s like “break a leg” for performers.

But, we’ll take it all! Prayers. Luck. And Baby Dust!

Only 2 more days until Timon the Embryo is thawed and transferred ❤️