NIAW 2020-Day 5

Today is the last photo challenge day of National Infertility Awareness Week. The theme, Show Your Resolve, kind of threw me off for a minute. I didn’t feel like I had resolved anything related to infertility.

Our childlessness was resolved through adoption. We did become parents. To be able to adopt in a healthy way, we needed to mourn that we would never have a genetic child. And, we did. I also had to mourn that I would never carry a child. I feel like I mourned that connection with a child, but maybe didn’t fully mourn the missed experiences. I would never be able to relate to pregnancy complaints, cravings, nesting, labor, birthing, breastfeeding, etc.

My feelings are often discounted. “You didn’t miss anything.” “Pregnancy is horrible.” “You got a child the easy way.”

Nothing about our journey has been easy!

Emotionally. Physically. Financially. It’s been different. But, not “easy.”

In many ways, I’d be ok not experiencing pregnancy. To miss out on those shared experiences, but I have not resolved myself to being the mother to only one child. I want to be the mother to at least 2 children (more, if possible). That’s the pain I carry around.

As we continue to pursue embryo adoption, we hope to have a shorter wait time and less expense to achieving the family we’ve always imagined. Pregnancy is just the cherry on top to growing our family. COVID-19 will more than likely delay our dreams, but they won’t be canceling them.

I love math!

But, pregnancy math is on the same level as toilet paper and paper towel math for me.

With the knowledge of when our embryo will be transferred, we can estimate when my due date long before we actually transfer Timon The Embryo. It’s not official but an online calculator. It does factor in that our embryos are already 5 days old. Frozen in time in 2016.

So, transfer is slated for July 25. Timon is 5 days old. And, somehow I’m 1 week pregnant today. But, I’m not. ‘Cause pregnancy math is weird.